I broke up with my boyfriend last week.
I ended a perfectly healthy, beautiful, loving partnership. And for what?
To follow the deepest desires of my heart. To honor my truth.
The thing about Truth that is important to remember is that Truth is a felt experience. And while there is a type of universal integrity to it, it is never “right” or “wrong.”
Truth is just what is there, what is real.
You can choose to honor your truth or not. Many people choose to ignore it because it can be very confronting. I did for a long time.
The thing to remember about relationships is that just because a relationship changes shape, doesn’t mean all of the beautiful things that were experienced and learned during the time you had together get erased.
Because those things happened. Those things were real. Those things were true.
One of the main questions I get from my clients is “what does my truth sound like?”
Truth lives in the lower body
In the root. In the low belly. In the womb.
Truth comes out when you are grounded in your body and speaking with authority.
Truth sounds clear and direct. (I talk about anchoring into your body and the difference between your truth and your fear a little bit on this podcast episode)
My truth felt quiet at first.
It was the equivalent of a mild stomach ache. Something that I could ignore or numb out with some Advil.
So I did. I tried to “reason” with her for months.
When my fear was the loudest, and she said things like…:
“You’re in a relationship that is better than most, why would you want to ruin that?” “What if you’re wrong?” “What if this decision really hurts someone - how will you forgive yourself?” “What will people think about you if your explanation is ‘I followed my truth’? What the hell does that even actually mean?” “Why can’t you just be happy with what you have? Why are you so selfish?”
I kept ignoring my truth because I was afraid of what would happen to me if I listened.
But in August I felt her getting louder. I could feel the churning within me. It was undeniable. So I listened and took a baby step toward honoring my truth. I named it out loud. I gave her a voice and communicated her needs. Once I began honoring her, I stopped wanting to hide her, force her silence or kick her under the rug.
When I’m connected to her I feel clear, I feel balanced, I feel strong, I feel compassionate… I feel fucking powerful. And I realized by honoring our truth we lay a foundation for real love.
I then began to come to terms with all of the times I denied her to speak. I came to terms with the ways I have silenced myself and it fucking hurt. After I connected to her I never wanted to go back.
Fast forward 3 months later…
The first break-up conversation was hard and really messy. I could have handled it better. We both could’ve. It was very human and very humbling. But in the end, we came back to love.
I had heard the term “Conscious Uncoupling” before but didn’t fully understand what it meant until we were sitting under a streetlamp on the sidewalk holding each other and covered in tears. It means even in the hurt, the pain, the triggers, that both people can come back to the table and lovingly acknowledge the truth. I’m so grateful that my ex-partner decided to come back to love and meet me there.
After the first conversation, we took a week to process and came back together that Friday. By that point, we both had clearer words for what we were feeling and clearer ways to express what we wanted.
At the end of the day, it was really clear that we wanted the same thing: to honor our connection and our love for each other in a way that also honored the truth.
In this case, my truth was that part of me wasn’t settled in our relationship. There was part of me that really didn’t have space to grow in the dynamic we had.
I knew that in order to stay together, we would’ve had to shift our dynamic in really big ways or sacrifice part of ourselves to make it work. And neither of those options felt good to me. He will always be my champion and my protector, and I will always be his counsel & guide. I made the decision to love our connection for what it was, instead of trying to change it into something different.
There has been an adjustment period. Honestly, we are still in the middle of that now.
And while I’ve felt the grief of losing my partner, I’ve also felt the immense love and freedom that comes with choosing my truth. The incredible amount of self-assuredness that comes from following my heart. It felt like the earth is shifting to meet me in alignment. I feel the universe supporting BOTH of us in this decision and responding lovingly to this choice, because it is true.
Our world & culture has been designed by the logical mind and built to please our fear. We are trained to let our fear and our ego make all of our decisions for us.
Making decisions the way the world teaches you to do it will leave you feeling helpless, powerless, and confused.
I hid my truth mostly because I was afraid of what other people would think, and I felt wrong - no matter what I chose.
While yes, it is important to consider how your decisions might impact others (I learned that the hard way), I never want to deny my own truth to make other people comfortable.
I had to get comfortable with the uncomfortable truth that I cannot manage other people’s reactions. In essence, when we attempt to manage other people’s emotions, we are manipulating them.
We cannot change the truth of what is.
Do you know what else is true?
When you choose what is in alignment with your heart, it is good for EVERYONE.
That has been my mantra this season.
It is a reminder that, although honoring our truth can be incredibly challenging and incredibly painful, it is not without purpose. The universe will always guide you towards alignment & truth and our truth calls us forward in love and healing and growth.
I met my churning inner truth with a whole lot of trust when I made this decision.
And I got to watch the universe meet me back with equal parts love & support.
The best part is that in me making my decision to honor my truth, it opened a door of opportunity for my partner to come home to himself and his spirituality too. And I am so proud of him.
Together we can be grateful for what we had, who we’ve become, and who we get to be.
There is nothing on the planet that I will sacrifice for my truth now. I honor her. I trust her. I love her. And I know she’s everything I need.